What are you hoping to become? Smarter, richer, wiser, healthier, more attractive? Mainstream society thrives on selling urgency—the urgency to be better, more appealing, more acceptable. This pressure can manifest as restlessness, workaholism, perfectionism, and an unforgiving inner critic.
Today, social platforms reinforce this cycle, embedding the expectation that we should continually “uplevel.” The finish line for success always moves further, leaving us chasing perceptions of success. Modern-day acceptance often comes in the form of curated posts and filtered stories, where followers become currency. Life can start to feel like a performance. The pressure to maintain likability and stand out breeds desperation that generally erodes gratitude, presence, and stillness. Too often, we postpone happiness until we “become.” The larger the perceived gap between being and becoming, the greater our unhappiness tends to be.
The Balancing Act
Does this mean we shouldn’t have goals? Of course not. Striving gives us purpose and resilience. But should our worth and happiness depend on outcomes? Probably not. While we may seek improved versions of ourselves or our circumstances, it is gratitude for the present that fuels energy for the future.
Who Are You Becoming For?
When caught in the race for accomplishments, we need to ask: are we pursuing goals from an authentic place aligned with our values, or from external expectations? Are we driven by fear of disappointment or by courage and strength? Do our ambitions reflect unhealed longings for approval and validation? Is our relentlessness, which can appear outwardly successful, truly a trauma response?
An Era of Decision Fatigue
Part of the angst of becoming is that there are so many options of what to become especially partnered with the rampant comparison culture and existential unease. Decicion-making can feel paralyzing. As I work with many young adults, questions loom large: Should I go to college? Move out? Work? Travel? Have kids? With so many possibilities, the weight of “choosing right” can overwhelm. When faced with indecision, our tendency is to stay put in the familiar, sometimes at the expense of growth or healthy risks. At a therapeutic level, the work is less about making the “right” decision and more about building confidence in making a decision.
Most of Life Is Ordinary
In our dopamine-driven society, we’re fed the illusion that life should always be stimulating, inspiring, and easy to advance. In reality, much of life unfolds in ordinary routines—the anchors of daily functioning. Days may feel bland, repetitive, even grueling. Accomplishment is often felt in moments sandwiched between the grind of maintaining foundations and committing to a process that can take years if not decades and a whole lot of patience. Profound change is often made possible by repeated small moments of routine and discipline. The key is to enjoy the “in the meantime,” to embrace the process, and to realize that we are “becoming” in the ordinary rhythms of life just as much as the exclamation points of life.
Nothing Is Permanent
Finally, remember that what you hope to become today may shift tomorrow. Change is the law of nature. Each day we wake up a slightly different animal. Our vision of who we want to become evolves with time. What we seek to become will change over the course of time and as we are in the interim waiting for our efforts to take shape, the impermanence of life reminds us that as we are being, we are also always becoming.
Cheers to your journey.
With gratitude,
Audry Van Houweling, Owner, She Soars Psychiatry, LLC
Sisters & Silverton, Oregon
She Soars psychiatry, LLC 