It has been over a year since the shut down. The virus has claimed lives and livelihoods. Yes, there has been opportunity for reflection and silver linings, but nobody has escaped some feeling of loss. Our world has changed. We have changed. Despite nostalgia for times of yesteryear, moving forward demands a sort of radical acceptance, resilience, adaptability, and a stubborn resolve to find meaning in the madness.
Insecurity in Isolation
It is probably true that we have all become more acquainted with our own emotional fragility. The pandemic, financial disruption, political upheaval, housing shortages, natural disasters, and extremism among other challenges have impacted near all of us with trauma either experienced directly or witnessed up close. The physiology of stress…repeated surges of cortisol and adrenaline and the familiar feelings of fight, flight, or freeze have left many of us feeling some version of wired (but tired), hypervigilant, skeptical, uncertain, and perhaps just burnt out. Our brains have been stretched and pulled as adjustments to our routine and our sense of safety have been many. While perhaps circumstantial, the shifts of the past year have meant fundamental physiological and neurobiological changes that have precipitated or amplified depression, anxiety, and burnout among other mental health concerns. Let’s just say, I thought my work was busy in 2019-2020, but 2020-2021 took it to a whole other level.
I count myself lucky that in my job I bear witness to what’s “behind the mask” and beyond the small talk. For selfish reasons, the honesty and vulnerability I have the privilege or being part of, reminds me that my own fragile moments are amid good company. Nevertheless, as I have become more acquainted than I ever really wanted to with the virtual ways of operating and, like most everyone, have had far fewer social engagements than usual, the voids of lost face-face engagements can often be filled with insecurities. With fewer opportunities to converse, to compare, and to share, it can feel like we are standing on shaky ground. As we scan through social media, FOMO (Fear. Of. Missing. Out.) is real as ever…how does my quarantine stack up against others? What does success look like now? How are ambitions unleashed with so much red tape? As for myself, it is the nagging ever-present voice in the background of, “am I doing enough?” What is enough? Beats me.
The Complexities of Social Engagement
I think I miss the dynamics of human synergy the most. People coming together for a common goal. Cheering at a sports game, swaying with strangers at a concert, sharing a meal, geeking out with like-minded professionals at packed conferences.
Amid the pandemic, my home state of Oregon suffered devastating calamites as wildfires swallowed up whole communities and ice storms froze power, communication, and left forests and homes mangled across the Willamette Valley. And yet in the aftermath, the collective willpower and good deeds of so many was a welcome shift from division and isolation. Synergy in motion.
Having said this, I have always enjoyed the pursuits of an introvert. Running in the woods, riding my horse through sagebrush against the mountains, road trips on back roads. Perhaps it is the rising intensity of emotional inputs the past year, or the frequent displays of division and hate, but while a part of me is wistful for the energy of humanity, every once in a while, disillusionment creeps in and I fantasize about my own version of Into the Wild.
Thankfully, I have a job that demands daily communication with real humans- it keep my communication skills a bit more fresh. Worth noting however, is the very real social awkwardness in the aftermath of isolation, dodging strangers on sidewalks, and virtual handshakes. The prospect of socializing for some can feel…frankly, sort of weird.
A Year for our Youth
Gosh. Can we just take a few moments of silence for the losses our youth have had to endure? What a year.
During my adolescent years (a case study for another day), much of my motivation to be somewhat productive came from the validation I might gain from others…my peers, my family, my teachers, my coaches. The rest of my energy was spent on a healthy dose of rebellion. Like most young people, feedback was critical to my identity, my perception of myself, and the budding of my core values. Let’s just say, the forced isolation of COVID would have been a wrecking ball.
While (some) adults may have an edge on perspective, the world stopped for so many of our youth. The proverbial ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ was hard to grasp. Self-discovery, social engagement, and a sense of forward momentum were all disrupted in big ways. Insecurities, anxiety, and depression skyrocketed while motivation sank as opportunities for validation, socialization, accomplishment, and encouragement dwindled. Furthermore, for young folks facing instability and dysfunction at home, they were without the welcome respites of school and other pre-COVID outlets.
This has been tough stuff, but if there is anything I am hopeful about, it is the grit and compassion I see radiating from our youth on the daily. They deserve more of a voice, and we need to listen.
A Call for Grace
While the world looks to slowly open its doors, many of us are a little raw around the edges. Social engagement may seem exciting and terrifying all at once. Our cups may have runneth over as our emotional capacity has been tested. For some of us, the loss and pain has come as a gush overwhelming our holding power with rapid force. For others, it has been a slow drip that suddenly we cannot contain. Traumas have been both overt and subtle. Pain and loss can deepen bitterness but can also deepen empathy. As the world continues to evolve and shift, my hope is that we can hold a bit more patience, a bit more empathy, and a bit more grace for ourselves and one another.
Be gentle. Stay open. Stay hopeful.
With gratitude,
Audry Van Houweling
Owner & Founder, She Soars Psychiatry, LLC
She Soars psychiatry, LLC 