The New Year is upon us. It is that time of year again when we feel a surge of inspiration to tackle those resolutions- lose weight, quit smoking, read more books, travel—you know the drill. The beginning of a new year can feel like a fresh start, which at least for a while can jump-start our motivation into action.

Now for the bad news…most resolutions fail. We start the year feeling optimistic and then all too often life seems to get in the way and our motivation dwindles. Sound familiar? Many of us have our sights set on an outcome and rely on motivation to take us there. Ultimately however, motivation is all too fleeting.

Have you ever heard someone speak, watched a powerful movie, or read something that spoke to you and compelled you to make change? We have all had experiences when we heard or saw something that was incredibly “motivating”. In the moment we feel convinced that we will make changes, yet often fail to fill in the blanks of how we will accomplish this change and again, motivation is not enough.

Let’s put resolutions and motivation aside and instead talk about habits. Habits demand practice and practice makes habit. Habits also take commitment and intentionality. Starting a new habit can feel unfamiliar and therefore, demands planning. For example, if you want to start exercising in 2018 that is wonderful, but now it is time to ask why, when, where, and how?

Asking “why” is important. It helps us clarify the importance of developing new habits. Why do you want to start exercising? To be fit? To be strong? Why is being fit or strong important to you? Do you want to feel more energy, be more attractive? Why then is that important to you? Are you attempting to make changes for yourself or someone else?

The “when” can be particularly important especially with our tight schedules, kids, and other priorities. Look at your planner, think about how long you are going to exercise, write it down, schedule it, be intentional, and be realistic! If you need to, let those around you know about your plans for both accountability and to avoid disruption.

“Where” is this exercise going to take place? I live in the Pacific Northwest and while I prefer to breathe fresh air, weather can be a hindrance. Are you going to bundle up? Get a gym membership? Find some open floor space in your home?

“How” are you going to exercise? What are you actually going to do in the gym, outside, or at home? Are you going to link up with a buddy or partner to help with accountability?  Do you need a new pair of gym shoes? Do you need to set an alarm?

Be realistic with yourself. Be patient- it is okay to start slow. If you want to run a half marathon, but have spent more time on your couch then on your feet in 2017, a 15 minute brisk walk may be your first step.

Be committed. Set a goal and stick to it. There will be days when staying committed sounds like a drag- perhaps most days if you are just getting started. Go back to the reasons why staying committed is important to you. Showing up can truly be half the battle.

Give yourself pats on the back. Congratulate yourself when you do the work and most importantly, remember to judge your own success- not that of somebody else.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Cheers to becoming creatures of habit!

With gratitude,

Audry Van Houweling, Owner & Founder, She Soars Psychiatry, LLC

Sisters & Silverton, Oregon  www.shesoarspsych.com

I would like to think I am a perfectionist in recovery. Not so long ago I put a high price on external measures of success. The perfect house, the perfect job, the perfect marriage, an avid people pleaser, and feeling like I was running a race with no finish line. Like many healthcare providers, I struggled to follow my own advice when it came to self-care, setting boundaries, and granting myself grace. As I have been more intentional about embracing unpredictability, vulnerability, and giving myself permission to question society’s standards, I have recovered feelings of authenticity, contentment, and joy- although this is certainly an ongoing process!

It is human nature to compare ourselves against others. There has always been a pressure from generation to generation to “keep up with the Joneses”. Of course, who the “Joneses” are has changed overtime. For instance, you have had to replace those lovely harvest gold or avocado appliances once so chic with white or black and then to stainless-steel appliances, and now somehow to smart appliances that can order your milk for you.

The way in which we compare has also changed. If we go back a century, our means to compare was based primarily on face-to-face interactions had with neighbors, coworkers, family members, and people within our immediate communities. As transportation and media progressed, we gained greater exposure to different beliefs and lifestyles that we could then contrast against our own. The means for gossip and comparison continued to expand with the telephone, email, the cell phone, the smart phone, and then of course, social media.

For many of us, logging into our social media accounts has become as habitual and normalized as drinking water or eating and in fact, without this ever-present doorway into each other’s lives, some of us can indeed feel deprived or disconnected. In this two-dimensional world, we are often presented with each other’s best moments—filtered, edited, cropped, and portraying a social ideal that is in many ways unattainable. As we scroll through our feeds however, it is hard not to judge ourselves against the smiles, highlights, and achievements posted by our peers. Furthermore, we feel compelled to capture the very ‘best’ of ourselves and then measure our social standing by how many likes or positive comments we can collect.

As a woman I feel this phenomenon to be particularly pervasive. Women and girls are already expected to achieve unrealistic standards regardless; however, our tendency to people please, hide from vulnerability, and cover up our flaws is taken to a new level with social media. Many of us strive to portray perfection in our appearance, perfect family photos, our relationships, motherhood, our impressive exercise routine, and our financial success.

In the end, our need to compare and attempt to keep up with the Joneses comes from a deep need for validation and acknowledgement. Everyone wants to feel important and noticed from time to time; yet in putting forth an edited and filtered version of who we are, the acknowledgement we receive can feel shallow and dissatisfying as we continue to trade an idealized image for authenticity. This can ultimately be isolating especially if the allure of the two-dimensional world supersedes opportunities for three-dimensional, face-to-face human contact. Using social media as the platform for self-portrayal can ultimately rob us from the feeling of being truly known for who we really are. Thus, despite our widespread connectivity, many of us continue to feel lonely, misunderstood, and unfulfilled.

Bringing awareness to our social media habits is a crucial first step to making change. A social media hiatus can be very refreshing. Recognizing the fallacy and unrealistic standards portrayed on our social media feed is important. Prioritizing face-to-face relationships where you can express the totality of who you are is paramount. Appreciate the achievements of others, but embrace your own uniqueness. Be the best version of yourself—not someone else.

With gratitude,

Audry Van Houweling, PMHNP-BC, Owner & Founder, She Soars Psychiatry, LLC

www.shesoarspsych.com